Recent Entries
January 6th, 2009
01:48 am - I DO post sometimes!

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Saw Repo! for the second time tonight. Even BETTER the second time. I love having a new obsession ;]

I've been flitting around, seeing all the people I kept saying "We should get together sometime" to. It's been quite nice to remember I DO have some real life friends after all, even if we are all too damn busy most of the time. I've thoroughly abused myself over the past week(?) or so; it's kinda nice. I've done far too little for too long, but mostly because there has been little to do that really struck me. It's been good.

I'm now back in classes for semester #2, hopefully going a BIT better than the last. I'm not going to get deeply into it, but there is certainly room for improvement ;/ BUT, I have optimism. Being in class for only one day so far helps that!

The only thing left on my agenda is to find something to get particularly excited about in my future; I need something to look forward to strongly. But I figure that's just a matter of time and circumstance, so I'm patient for the moment. All in all... I'm doing pretty well.

It's rare that I am willing to go out of my way to say that, so I just wanted that documented ;]

(P.S: That movie has given me a MAD crush on Sarah Brightman.)

Current Music: Things You See In A Graveyard - Repo! The Genetic Opera

Current Mood: [mood icon] content

(11 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

October 22nd, 2008


Good news: I got my new glasses! Pics to come.

Bad news: They are wider than my old ones, meaning I have a LOT more peripheral vision than I used to. This has made me dizzy, disoriented, and vaguely nauseous... especially if I move my head sharply or if there is motion around me.

"Oh, come ON!" news: For m SciFi class, we are watching 2001: A Space Odyssey. Meaning I have almost three hours of watching semi-incoherent movement, to make me EXTRA ill. Awesome.

I know my eyes will adapt, but they haven't adapted YET! Give me time, damnit! Why the long-ass movie now?

Current Location: Science Fiction Class

Current Mood: [mood icon] nauseated

(11 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

October 1st, 2008
04:52 pm - RANDOM

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OSAP stole $100 from me today, right out of my bank account. I get it back in 10-14 days.

I am going to Montreal this weekend. WTF? How did this happen? It's awesome, but I don't DO stuff like this. Apparently if I stop paying attention, awesome happens.

I have a Halloween icon!

I've been sleeping too much. Zzzzzz.


...I think we're more-or-less up to date now.

Current Location: University of Toronto Mississauga - North Building

(20 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

August 29th, 2008
04:02 am - $$


I am in a DAMN good mood.

I haven't been posting much because I was worrying about loan problems, which are finally sorted. As such, I WILL be attending school, as planned, in a week or so! WOO!

To celebrate my return, I was going to make a catchup post. But.. I am lazy. SO...

To commemorate this grand event, does anyone have anything they want to ask about the past while? I figure I can answer those questions, and save myself from making full entries ;]

Current Mood: [mood icon] pleased

(19 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

November 14th, 2007
03:23 am - ...Et Nos Mutamur In Illis

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I know I haven't updated in months, and am probably expected to have some giant, 5000 word summary entry.

If that's the case, this one's going to be a disappointment (or a blessing, depending on the view). In summary, I've been busy as all fuck since classes started up, and I let myself slide back into politics; my fault, 100%.

I forget what sleep is like... and today's date is not lost on me, either. I've got a visit to make tonight.

The only real thing of note, over these past few months?

I used to see myself as a good person. I made mistakes here and there, but we all do. Underneath it all, though, I knew I always meant well and would endeavour to minimize the damage that I might have ever caused.

Now... not so much. That "infinite compassion" thing? Doesn't work so well without recipients. Apparently empathy can atrophy and die; who knew?

And you know what worries me most? While I do wax nostalgic for the days when I could depend on my moral code, and felt resolute in my direction... it's the appeal of the freedom in this amoral ambiguity that takes the spotlight. I might think well of when I was "the nice guy"... but I don't know if I could honestly say I miss it anymore. For the first time in my life, I have the conviction to actually hammer those things that hurt me. And to be frank... after years of self-martyrism, I've gotten curious as to what it might be like to be on the winning side for once.

"Tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis."

It's been my motto for years and years... how ironic.

"Times change, and we change with them."

Current Mood: [mood icon] tired

(26 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

February 15th, 2007
01:17 am - V-Day Summary

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Unsurprisingly, this day was a challenge. Not in any technical reason because it was V-Day; but more karmically because it was V-Day. If a holiday could be my nemesis, this would be it.

It took me two hours to get to school today. For those counting, that's 400% of my usual travel time. I made it to my midterm with exactly 0 minutes to spare. Of course, my prof was a few minutes late because he also was screwed by the buses.

The rest of the day was... exhausting, to be simple. However, upon reaching home, I discovered something that actually managed to make me write the day up as an overall success.

How could this be?! What magical thing could do this?

...WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's about goddamned time!!

I've been bowling for FAR too long tonight, and am finally forcing myself to go to sleep.
Anyone else with a Wii (other than [ profile] chenry), leave your friend code. Mine is 6483 3526 0218 9646.

I really, really, really needed this.

Current Mood: [mood icon] WIIIIIIIII

(17 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

February 2nd, 2007
03:05 am - UPass

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We did it.

The votes are in, and the deal is sealed. 83.2% YES vote for the UPass, with a student vote turnout of 22.6%. To put that into perspective, we were hoping for a 10% turnout; never before has this campus ever seen this high of a turnout, and especially not with such a decisive result.

For those of you who don't know, this is the reason I've not been online or updating for the past month. The UPass is a heavily discounted transit pass for all Mississauga Transit students that my student union (that I am a director of) has been putting to a vote. I've been bleeding over this thing for months now, and the vote finally came though tonight. And damn, did it come through.

The stress of this thing nearly killed me; on more than one occasion I thought it would be the end of me. But every late night and long day has payed off, because we have a huge and unquestionable success on our hands. I'm so happy that I could almost cry.

Damn, I feel good.

Current Mood: [mood icon] ecstatic

(11 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

January 17th, 2007
11:30 pm - ;]


Today was a good day. Not for any specific reason; it was just a good day.

I had already decided this by the time I checked my email at night, at which point I discovered that my exam petition had FINALLY gone through, and it was granted! I was pretty sure it would be, but it's just one less thing to worry about. I'll be taking it sometime during reading week, which is fine by me.

And so, my generally good day ended with specific good news. I approve; this bodes well for '07.

Current Mood: [mood icon] pleased

Current Music: Long, Long Time Ago (Hace Mucho, Mucho Tiempo) - Javier Navarrete [Pan's Labyrinth]

(3 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

December 20th, 2006
09:07 pm - Crap

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Well, today was awesome.

See, there was this exam today, from 7pm to 10pm.


In fact, it was from 4pm to 7pm, meaning I arrived just in time to realize I'd fucked up about as badly as possible. I'm so pissed at myself, I don't even know how to express it.

This is not the kind of mistakes I make; I was already feeling a little frazzled (which is likely how this happened), and this is NOT helping. I had hoped I would never miss an exam; I mean, how dumb do you have to be, right? ...Right?

I have already submitted a petition for mercy from the Registrar's office, and emailed the professor. Beyond this, I now get to wait and see if I will be forgiven for being a goddamned idiot. If I am permitted, I'd likely end up doing the exam during Reading Week, which is more than fine. I'm more afraid of someone saying "But this is not only your fault, but a stupid error as well! No exam for you!", mostly because I couldn't dispute that statement.

Fuck, this is not what I needed. 2006, you're screwing me straight to the end. Thanks.

Current Mood: [mood icon] pissed off

(27 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

November 3rd, 2006
10:44 pm - ORANGE


Still very busy, school and all.

However, a quick update: I am still happy with everything, and my marks are reflecting it: any marks I have had returned (including my Astronomy midterm, and my Computer Science assignment) are in the 90s, which is bloody awesome. My social life has been quite satisfying, and I am sure there are a few other good things I'm forgetting to mention.

But mostly, I had to share this: When discussing the unreliability of the senses in Philosophy tutorial, my T.A shared an anecdote proving that even our sense of self can be wrong. Apparently, she knew someone who had a really bad acid trip, and said he felt like he was turning into an orange. He kept saying "I feel like an orange", until he suddenly stopped saying anything altogether.

He remained a catatonic "orange" for three years.

After three years, chemical treatments finally took hold and he woke up. He said had indeed believed he was an orange for the entire time. Afterwards, he cleaned himself up and went to business school.


The only thing in my notes for that class was a crude drawing of an orange; I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

EDIT: Thanks to [ profile] fiercekitty, it has been revealed that I was brutally duped! Revenge will be had.

Current Mood: [mood icon] amused

(24 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

October 11th, 2006
07:51 pm - Bonfire & Rambling

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I'm trying to prevent myself from getting a month behind in my LJ again ;]

Last night, UTMSU held a random bonfire out in the field near South Building, and it was quite fun. I haven't had such a good time in ages; it was relaxed and social, and someone even produced a hookah of shisha. I'd never tried shisha before, so that's one more thing I can put on the list of "Things I've Done That I Wouldn't Have Expected". The entire thing was... amazing. I haven't been around that many good people at once for years, and it was almost overwhelming.

The whole experience really made me look at things; it really was a very enjoyable experience that I just wouldn't have ended up in before. And by before, I mean not long ago at all. I've changed a lot in a very short amount of time, and it's been largely positive: I've become more responsible, making much better choices about my life. Related to that, I've gained confidence in those choices that puts a lot of my more traditional fears to rest. It's not that I have any idea what the future holds; it's that I am sure I will be able to work with whatever happens. I've become more organized, although probably not that anyone else would notice. But I've noticed, and it's kept me in check. My schoolwork and obligations are falling into place, and it's not feeling like the chore that it once was. This is probably one of the largest changes, as I keep wondering when I'll get sick of being useful and snap the other way... but it's been feeling largely effortless to maintain a balance, and I'm still constantly surprised by that.

Of course, any major changes of self aren't without their drawbacks. As my positions on the future gain confidence, it seems that it has drawn some of that away from my confidence in the present. I used to use a phrase, "infinite will", that referred to my seemingly limitless ability to push towards something with massive will power. This "infinite will", however, seems to have taken a leave of absence. This has resulted in a lot of very minor crises of confidence, usually in the most basic interpersonal situations. Whereas before I could approach strangers without a flicker of a pause, I now notice a shyness creeping around that I haven't felt since pre-Imarian days, back in grade 8. Hell, when doing the class speaks for the UTMSU position, I actually had a glimmer of stage fright. I've never had that before, ever. I've done entire plays in front of much larger audiences, with much more that mattered to me on the line, and never once did I feel like this. I even botched what I was saying (slightly) due to nervousness, and it irked me. I don't like losing abilities I once had.

Of course, I understand why all this is happening, so it makes sense. "Infinite will" took a hit when I was made to realize that not everything could be solved by just pushing harder; some things need something different. Apparently, the trick to "infinite will" was the theoretical guarantee that, no matter how hard it was, success would come from it. For anything that it applied to, success was worth all the effort in the world. Seeing now that all that effort doesn't guarantee a thing puts it into a whole new light, and the idea needs to be re-evaluated. I may have known this was true before, but I apparently didn't feel that way. It's one thing to logic it out, but it's wholly another to believe it.

The most unusual downside, however, is simple guilt. I've helped enough other people through this to recognize it, but it doesn't make it any easier at this moment. I know perfectly well why I've changed and sobered up my view on life. I know that it's made a very positive difference in my life, even with the loss of that push of willpower. What is hard to reconcile is that something terrible has led me to the best place I've ever been, meaning I owe this happiness to something I want to wish never happened. The conflict is significant. Dealing with this is only a matter of time, and I know it, but it doesn't change it now. It's made a lot of my day-to-day thinking very glitchy, and any ...reminders have thrown me quite off balance. I'm not used to being so affected internally like this; it seems my barriers are still in shambles.

This is starting to get away from what I mean, so I think I'll stop. Really, I'm having the time of my life. It's just hard to accept that I'm able to have it because of something so horrible.

It's funny... during Frosh week, I actually resisted enjoying myself for a while because I wanted this year to be entirely bad so I could write it off completely. Up until then, 2006 has been without a doubt the worst year of my life. But now, 2006 is complicated. It has been both the absolute worst, and is already also becoming the absolute best. I think I'm just wearing out; this year is getting to me more than any other. I just fear that this is indeed the template for the rest of my life; beyond any deep discussions about whether the good is worth the bad, I just think that I would exhaust myself and die.

Current Mood: [mood icon] thoughtful

(13 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

October 4th, 2006
12:27 am - Updatetastic

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Like a phoenix from the ashes, my LJ rises from massive idleness and back into use. Contrary to the implication, I am indeed still alive ;]

So, since it's been a month and a day since I last updated, I suppose I owe some sort of excuse ;] I've been tired, sick, busy, restricted from posting about certain content, and ultimately lazy in the interim. I think that sums that part up, so I'll get to the catching up.

Okay, so there is an obvious start to all this, at least: I'm finally back in school! Yes, after 3 years of uselessness (and they really were), I'm finally tearing back into education with a vengeance. I'm at UTM, going towards a Specialist in Philosophy and a Minor in English, looking to eventually become a professor myself.

And thus, our tale begins with me belatedly enjoying the epic known as Frosh Week. A play-by-play would be wasteful, as [ profile] terminus8 did it with videos, but it can be more easily summarized: I spent a week getting absolutely no sleep and loving every second. Many, many events occurred; new people were met, and old friends were seen again. It was a revitalization of pretty much everything that was dead in me, and it was the first good thing that has happened to me this year. It also knocked me on my ASS, hence why I did not update that week nor the weekend afterwards.

But what about the week afterwards? Well, that was my first week back in the education system! This included the joys of not getting my OSAP, not getting my books, and other such joys ;] Really though, I had a great beginning. My classes are pretty good all around: Intro to Philosophy is obviously up my alley, Astronomy isn't bad and the prof wears a bow tie, Narrative is good and new to me, and Computer Science... well, there had to be one bad apple. But hey, it's an intro half-credit to complete requirements for science. So what if the prof didn't know what an MP3 was, or even the course material? No big deal, right?

So, as school gets into a groove, I am immediately beset with another time-consumer. What now? Well, [ profile] citizen_angel also happens to attend UTM and is brutally over-involved in all aspects of running things, everywhere. (I love you, [ profile] citizen_angel, but you know I'm right ;] ) As such, he managed to convince me to run for UTM Student Union First Year Representative. And by "managed to convince me", I mean he's been poking me about it since mid last year. If I didn't go out for it, he'd destroy me.

So why did I not take the time to post about this event? Well, because if I did I could have been fined/disqualified. See, these elections have rules about online content, and all such content needs to be authorized, etc. Given my time constraints anyway, I didn't feel like having an LJ entry "verified", so I decided to just wait until elections were over.

So I spent the meantime campaigning with awesome posters and flyers, featuring this new picture of me taken expressly for this purpose. It's the first full shot of me that didn't look terrible taken in ages, so I'm keeping it around. It is black and white, but that was because I was too cheap to get colour printing, and I wanted it to look right that way. I also spoke in a few classes, which got me introduced to a few hundred new people VERY quickly.

Results came back last Friday; I got in! Success and victory for all, let the trumpets sound! The first meeting is Wednesday (tomorrow to me, but technically today), and then I get to find out all the fun stuff I can lose time to ;]

So after elections were done, why did I not post? Well... Friday night, 10:30pm, I get a phone call from an old friend, Lowry. He informs me that another friend from our old group is back in town, and there was goings afoot. Now, I was tired and sick by this point, so I was slightly surprised when I noticed I was leaving the house. I had planned to spend the weekend sleeping and playing FFVII, but it seemed that the old group getting together brought out a conditioned response. As such, I was out for a night of gaming and drinking (an addition to an old tradition). This new addition caused our guest of honour (Rama from Woodlands) to toss cookies, but even that did not dampen anyone's spirits. (Note: Super Smash Bros. is goddamned hard when against three practiced Asians. It's fucking IMPOSSIBLE when in the same scenario after a fair bit of vodka and some Guinness.)

Now, that night lasted until some ungodly hour in the morning, at which point we all crashed there. I headed home the next day for a dentist appointment at 1:30, but people were still going when I got out AND let the freezing wear off (damned fillings), so I headed back ;] After things wound down at 9pm, Lowry and I ended up seeing Crank before finally heading to our homes at stupid o'clock in the morning.

Unsurprisingly, I woke up Sunday sick to all goddamned hell. As of now, I'm not really all better, but I'm not as dead as I was before. Since this was my first lucid moment in over a month, I thought I should sneak in a post before LJ declares me officially deceased and orders an autopsy.

And so, that was September. How's everyone else been?

Current Mood: [mood icon] sick

(13 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

July 10th, 2006
02:28 am - What Happened To My Face?

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I keep meaning to update, but I keep getting distracted by my own thoughts, and then I don't make an entry ;/ It's wholly unproductive.

I've really not been doing much; I did sign up for classes, a process made 400% more complicated by my own idiocy. I refuse to get into what happened, but suffice it to say that what should have taken no more than 20 minutes ended up taking over 2 hours, and it was so my own fault that it's not funny ;/ However, it's done and I'm actually happy with the result, which is amazing considering how poorly I went at it. Now I just have to magically create money to get in ;/

I've been doing more introspection than is normal for even me recently; I think it's been doing me some good. I feel more at home in myself than I have in... a while.

...which is why I shocked the hell out of myself recently when I got a good look at myself in the mirror. Usually, when I'm looking at myself in a mirror, my glasses are off because I've just come out of the shower. Without my glasses, I am a fleshblob. I see no details. It seems I haven't taken a good look at myself since high school, because I happen to really look at myself in the rearview mirror during a long drive, and I was honestly shocked because I didn't recognize myself.

It would seem I have been filling in the fine details by memory and photographs; I wonder what it says about my nostalgia habits if I've been using 5 year old photographs as mirrors ;/ I expected to look like I did back in the day; now, I have a chin and facial hair that won't fucking stop growing. I had shaved that morning, and already had 5 o'clock shadow. It was noon. WTF?

It's funny, because it's not like "I don't know myself, man!" because I know my insides very well. When I looked in the mirror, I still have the same eyes. But the physical parts? Totally new to me. I tried to take a picture, but they all came out stinking of Internet Disease. As such, I remain faceless on the internet in any viable manner (I still have an old picture or two hanging around somewhere, but since I don't look like that anymore, it's not worth digging up).

The next time I get a good picture, I'll stick it up here. Of course, I expect that the next head-on picture I have taken will be my University grad shots, so I'm not exactly anxious ;/

EDIT: I saw the biggest bloody rainbow in my life that same car ride in which I realized I didn't recognize myself. I told myself I would make a note of it in an LJ entry so I wouldn't forget. This is that note.

(24 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

June 19th, 2006


Here's a non-sleep related entry:


In other words, I've been trying to work through the lovely packages that UofT sent me today. How considerate of them. I think I've got it now, but... I do not enjoy this. I'll be going for some course orientation or something tomorrow at 2pm, at which point I will receive more incomplete information.

[ profile] terminus8 or [ profile] citizen_angel; at some point, you and I need to talk regarding this nonsense. Especially regarding things that I know exist that I haven't been told about properly yet, like frosh stuff. Also, [ profile] citizen_angel, any information regarding that position I should know more about would be awesome, but there isn't much rush, as I want to make sure I'm properly registered first anyway ;]

Current Mood: [mood icon] aggravated

(5 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

April 25th, 2006
02:37 am - EXAM = DONE

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And finito...I have completed my studies and obligations as a student for the year! (Now I just have the obligation of filing my taxes to complete...)

I find it ironically bittersweet to discover how many excellent people you have as classmates that you hadn't realized on your last day as classmates. Many email addresses were traded, however, so I hope I see these people again. It's been a truly eye-opening year that's given me a lot of hope for the future, and a lot of confidence that I'm going into the right things. All in all, I feel pretty good about things.

Now all I want is some more of that vanilla bean tea I had recently, especially brewed with another bag of a more fruity tea. Man, that was tasty. I've been craving it ever since I put down the mug a night ago ;]

Current Mood: [mood icon] peaceful

(3 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

April 11th, 2006
09:35 am - I Am Infected/ The 5 Generation Rule

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Memes are like AIDS combined with gambling; in a few years, we'll be holding fundraisers to get rid of them and talking about "the silent problem; talk to your friends about their addiction."

Psychohazardous Material Within )

Saw V for Vendetta again last night with [ profile] terminus8; an excellent talk evolved from it. That's twice that movie has done that; it is SO on my permanent list. We came to a shaky conclusion that major events cease to have impact on people in 5 generations; things of major social importance, like the Holocaust, or 9/11, the birth of the Internet, or whatnot.
  • Generation #1 is the generation the Event occurs to; they are only moderately affected because they are conditioned already by the world before the Event as well; it tempers its effects.
  • Generation #2 is the most affected; the Event sets the stage for their basic developmental growth. This generation both knows the most about it, and also attaches the most emotional importance to it.
  • Generation #3 is the beginning of decay; lacking the intensity of the birth of the event, they are only subject to the retellings and attempts to pass on the feelings from the previous generation; the facts are learned moderately well, but the emotional effect begins to wane; many will not feel the event is important to them.
  • Generation #4 learns the facts, but there is no-one left to import the emotional content personally. The occasional person might make a connection, or perhaps talk to a grandparent, but the Event loses much of its effect.
  • Generation #5 loses even the facts; the average person knows as much about the Event as they do about ancient French culture or Egyptian pottery; it is perceived as "ancient history" and no longer socially relevant.)

For the Holocaust, for example, I'd call my generation #4. #4 knows the facts, but the emotional part doesn't shine through. And our children, generation #5, will likely find the name Adolf Hitler to be nothing more than history; on some horrible TV show, someone will say something stupid like "Wasn't he a designer or something?" and there will be a silly *boiiiing* noise as they will be laughed at, but it will happen all the same. Given that a generation is, say, 40-50 years of eminence, it's odd to think that the world as you know it will be totally forgotten for all it is worth in 250 years, almost as a rule. It's weird ;/

And with that, I go to my final class and get marks back for two essays to boot. Here's hoping I don't hate everything tonight! ;]

Current Mood: [mood icon] sleepy

(22 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

February 27th, 2006
09:31 pm - Bleck

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This month has left me totally ognpranted.

Don't ask; it won't make sense.

Current Mood: [mood icon] ognpranted

(5 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

December 6th, 2005
11:39 pm - Dentistry = Evil

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1. My username is ____ because ____.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

1. My username is [ profile] imaria because that's the last name of all my Void characters, and therefore the name of my inner me. (As a side note, it's pronounced "Im-aria", not "I-maria".)
2. My journal is titled Shadowscape because it fit with the Void scheme and sounds cool ;]
3. My subtitle is "Choir of the NightWinged" because...well, read above. The greatest thing about having the Void is that I've got a default theme for everything ;]
4. My friends page is called "Angels of a Feather" because it seemed witty at the time.
5. My default userpic is...why am I even bothering to fill all these out? The answer is the Void the whole damn way through.

Yeah, this journal could get me committed. Meh.

I have been to the dentist 7 times in the past 5 weeks, and will probably stop by again tomorrow. I hate my face, and I want a new one.

I also completed my midterm today, and I'm happy with how it went. I knew my stuff, and I was happy with my essay points and presentation. Now I get a month off. So w00t to that!

I will now go and most likely take more Tylenol for my aching face. ARGH

Current Mood: [mood icon] aggravated

(2 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

November 2nd, 2005
12:55 am - W00T, Re: Essay


Let's keep this simple.

I am currently top of my class with an 83%, given that our first real assignment we just got back garnered me a 86%. The only A for that assignment, and my essay was on the overhead as the example of Good as well.

I almost passed out with joy.

It's been 3 years or so since I last wrote any sort of academic papers, and the more I hear the more I think that high school doesn't count for much, anyway. Every other sentence in class is "You did XXX in high school. You will be doing YYY now, which is what you were trying to say was smarter during your entire high school career". Every time I think I'm doing well here, I get a bit angry about how tilted Woodlands was. It's nice to be Enhanced, but that school made me feel like a fucking idiot compared to how I used to feel. And it's not just a matter of ego; it's a matter of self-confidence. Being Enhanced means you had the capability to be successful...but if every assignment comes back with a low C, you start to wonder.

If anyone in high school is reading this, learn from it. High school is crap, and everything beyond is WAY BETTER. The difference is so staggering that I actually wonder why high school has been allowed to operate the way it has for so long.

For the first time in ages, I actually not only have hope of succeeding, but I'm starting to feel that the logic is in my corner as well. Actual statistics support my abilities, for once.

Now all I have to do is get out of the hellhole which is work (I was updating my résumé last night) and things should be all coming up Me ;]

(Since apparently the corporate world has decided it became Christmas season at 12:01am, November 1st, I've decided to go with the flow and pull out the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Orchestrated rock carols are an excellent way to celebrate a good day!)

Current Music: Christmas Canon Rock - Trans-Siberian Orchestra [The Lost Christmas Eve]

Current Mood: [mood icon] accomplished

(7 Voices | Sing with the Choir)

September 15th, 2005
07:12 am

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I was supposed to make this post sometime Tuesday, but I went to bed at 8pm Tuesday night, and work on Wednesday was...well, the worst ever (new manager, things went horribly wrong, and the Area manager had me basically doing his job. For my pay. Unacceptable.) so it didn't go up then, either. But that's what 7am before work is for, right?

I had my first day of class in 2 goddamn years, and it damn near killed me.

Not because any workload, because the literature is along the lines of Oedipus Rex, Othello, the Great Gatsby, Great Expectations and the like, which is right up my alley. (Sadly, the last book we do is the Stone Angel again, but maybe this time around someone will explain to me what purpose this book has to humanity.)

It wasn't the teacher, either. She's fantastic-she was a member of this Academic Bridging program years back, and is now doing her dissertation for her Ph.D and is a professor. Considering that's my plan, it sets a good standard ;] She's very approachable, but seems to very much know her stuff and wants her students to pass. All in all, good stuff.

It wasn't the other students, who are thoroughly amusing in general. I haven't been in a classroom environment for too long-I love the variety of people. We've got the typical know-it-all at the back, which makes everything excellent ;] Plus, it's basically Toronto people, which puts me right at ease.

So what was it? ...General existence. I felt like I was going into bloody kindergarden again-it felt totally out of place.

I'd forgotten what it was like to sit at a desk and watch someone talk. Work has made me paranoid about schedules and time, so seeing all the different little workshops and such that were offered, I almost passed out. I have not been so physically and emotionally drained in years. It was all I could do not to conk out on the GO train on the way home (I bought my books, too, and those bastards are heavy).

After I got a LOT of sleep, I read over my course stuff again, and verified I was worrying for no logical reason. This class will be fine-I'll probably enjoy it.

But it hasn't stopped that small core of panic yet...I think it might be a good thing, though. If I'm this worried about it, it means that I'll care and get my stuff done. It just may cost a few extra years of my life ;]

And with that, I should go and shower etc. for work, which had better be reasonable today or death will find many.

Current Mood: [mood icon] tired

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